Criticism of your spouse in your life together can endanger your life if not done properly. Improve your life by learning the right way to criticize your spouse.
The best time and way to criticize your spouse
One of the most important skills that every married person should know in their life together is the correct way of criticizing their spouse. Throughout married life and in all human societies, there are situations in which a man and a woman are dissatisfied with their spouse’s performance and criticize each other.
But how can one criticize a spouse who has the necessary effect and does not harm the psychological balance of cohabitation?
How can we criticize our spouse for being effective?
Criticism at the right time and place
If you want to convince your spouse, talk to them at the right time and place. For example, when your spouse is angry for any reason, you should not criticize him; you should wait for him to calm down and then say your criticism to be effective. In addition, you should not criticize your spouse in front of others because not only is it not effective, but it also makes him upset and angry.
Telling each other faults
A person who points out his wife’s faults is very popular because blaming is one of the ways to express pure intentions; on the other hand, a person who refuses to express his wife’s faults for any reason subconsciously steps in the path of enmity.
Choose the right vocabulary
When criticizing, use appropriate words that are not offensive. Your criticism should be about your spouse’s behavior and not question their personality. For example, if your spouse is not tidy, instead of looking at your clothes on the bed or sofa when he gets home and putting them in the washing machine Or hanging up your wardrobe, don’t tell her how slutty you are.
Many couples do not know enough about the exact use of “always” and “never.” These words are one of the great obstacles to a healthy relationship between couples. It would help if you did not generalize misbehavior to all of his behavior and personality because you are doing a lot of damage to the family’s health.
Do not blame each other
Some people blame each other, while no one is perfect and does not want to be blamed. When your spouse scolds you, you will gradually find yourself in a defensive lock and can no longer communicate healthily if this behavior continues. Threats and insults to the couple’s relationship cause a lot of damage, and even expressing it in the form of a joke leads to angry reactions from the other party.
One of the most important principles of criticism is honesty and integrity. If couples are confident in each other’s love and are committed to living together, they will spare no effort to maintain and strengthen their lives. Therefore, they are open to criticism in any field, including behavioral, moral, sexual, etc. This type of criticism is more interpreted as an attempt to understand and be more satisfied. Of course, criticism should have no meaning other than improving the quality of life and marital relationships.
Criticism is not clear
Avoid general and vague criticism as much as possible. Saying things like “I feel our relationship is boring,” “I’m unhappy,” or “I’m very upset” is very vague and general, and your spouse may not understand what you mean. This model of criticism is not appropriate at all, so the issues should be stated in detail so that the person tries to change and correct them by understanding the main issue. For example, instead of saying “I’m sorry and upset,” say, “I’m sorry you ignored my efforts and didn’t thank me.”
Do not repeat criticism
Criticism, if repeated, can damage your relationship with your spouse because your spouse always sees you as an excuse and a fault, so by repeating the criticism, your spouse misunderstands this concept.
Not being aggressive
Assertive behavior is different from aggression. Some people think that loud voices are better heard. This indicates a defect in cohabitation. Sometimes couples give moral advice to each other in their conversations. In this case, the woman or man feels that a task has been placed on him, so he takes a stand. Therefore, aggressive dialogue is useless. It should be noted that marriage is an emotional relationship rather than a legal one; That is why the legal warning is so wrong.
Do not compare
For criticism to be effective, you must avoid comparison. If your spouse speaks in public, laughs out loud, or jokes that you think you are inappropriate and want to criticize them, never say that you behave like someone in public. This way of expressing your criticism will be ineffective. Of course, if your comparison creates a positive feeling in the person, it can be used in the direction of constructive criticism.
Increase your capacity and aspect
To communicate healthily, you need to increase your capacity to hear “no.” Assertiveness and not saying; Which is one of the individual rights of every human being in society and life. But saying no and disagreeing with your spouse is usually difficult because disagreement is equated with aggression, while disagreement can be expressed without aggression. Unfortunately, it is difficult for many couples to hear opposition in addition to disagreement because they experience emotional and psychological emptiness by respecting each other’s privacy and moral boundaries.
The correct way to criticize your spouse
The correct way to criticize your spouse includes life skills that must be observed:
- Criticism of your spouse should not give them the impression that their behavior is intentional and that they intend to harass you. Tell your spouse that knowing more about them will help prevent some problems and misunderstandings.
- Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes before criticizing. Even tell your spouse that when I put myself in your shoes, I know what you mean. At this time, your mutual understanding increases.
- Instead of questioning each other’s personality and behavior, first, state your wants and needs when criticizing.
- It is better to write your criticisms on a piece of paper and eradicate your spouse’s behavior towards you and think of a solution.
- When you want to criticize your spouse, tell your spouse frankly that your purpose in saying this is only to solve the problem and understand, and you do not intend to insult him.
Improper methods of criticizing the spouse
- You talk to your spouse as if you were quoting them in your presence.
- When you raise your criticism, you speak in a tone full of harshness, hostility, and solidarity.
- When criticizing your spouse, compare them to the other person and show their positive behaviors to your spouse.
- Tell others about your frustration with your spouse.
- When you criticize your spouse, you are stubborn and stubborn.
- When you criticize, you humiliate and ridicule your spouse.